To My Sons: You Can Be More Than Christian Grey

To my sons, of whom, as of this writing there are two, but should any more make their appearance in the future, consider all of you included.

Today, your mother’s heart was greatly shocked and saddened. An 11 year old boy chose to dress up as Christian Grey from the book 50 Shades of Grey and wear that costume to school for World Book Day. Now, I hope that at eleven years old, you will not be aware of just how horrendous I find that situation. I hope you haven’t come across such depravity. But, someday, be it at eleven years old or on through your teen and young adult years, I know you will understand what I’m referring to.

I want you to know, that you can be so much more of a man than Christian Grey ever could be. My sons, your power and reputation can be so much more than just conquering and dominating a woman or women. It takes a broken man to be so blind as to require a woman to sign a contract that she will do whatever he desires and think that is permissible or even right.

I know as you age, you may very well become aware of your brokenness or in other words your sin nature. You will start to realize that you have a battle in your mind and that battle is incredibly wearying. Why not just give up? Why not just enjoy the pleasures while you can? You will come across temptations which, if you give in, will slowly dull your conscience, your sense of right and wrong and even your view of women as human beings.

Christian Grey didn’t see woman as human. He saw them as things to be used for his pleasure (or at least, that is my impression of the story; I won’t be reading it). Don’t give in to that temptation. Women are more than boobs. Women are more than the skin you see. Women are more than meets the eye and a real man can see past what is on the outside.

A real man draws a woman out and hears her heart. He doesn’t beat her into submission or hurt her so that she withdraws into herself. A real man brings out the strength in a real woman. He isn’t afraid of her strength. He doesn’t have to dominate her in order to gain power or control. A real man shows his strength most often in restraint and self-control. A real man, a leader, serves women and looks out for their best interest. A real man wants what God wants for the women in his life.

My sons, I want so much more for you than that you see women as objects. For in objectifying women, you objectify yourself. You allow yourself to be nothing more than your sexual desires.

Let me also tell you something, my sons. You will never find a real, godly and strong woman if you are anything like Christian Grey. You want more from a woman than just sexual pleasure. You want a woman who will respect you, not fear you. You want a woman who knows you are her protector, not the one that she watches out for and closes her heart to. You want a woman who has appropriate boundaries and who is able to say no. You want strength in a woman. Because true strength in a woman will make you a stronger man.

As your mother, I love you. I love you so, so, so much. I want so much for you and I believe that there is nothing that you cannot achieve. But, as a woman living in this world, I know that, most likely, the biggest battle you will have to fight is within yourself. The fight may never completely cease as long as you live. I imagine that I will never know how bad it gets. But I need you to know that I’m already praying for you. I’m already praying for wisdom in how to raise you to look at all people as human beings with dignity and worth. I’ll be praying for you throughout your life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can be successful in this. I know that in the future, with God as your Help and Strength, you will be able to look at a woman in the eye and see beyond her outside appearance to her heart.


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